Taking Over Me
by Dark Romanticism
Summary: AU, Angel has a bad experience and can't deal with it. slash, AngelCollins, MarkAngel friendship, slightly graphic scenes and language R
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay this is my first Rent fic...been trying to write it for ages. **

**Disclaimer: I do no own any of the characters in this. They all belong to the Great Jonathan Larson.**

I had never been a particularly religious person. I grew up Catholic and I was baptized but I never quite suited the "requirements" to be one. But I was praying then. I was praying to God, Allah, any omnipotent being to make the pain stop. I was in utter agony, forced up against a cold, hard, brick wall with my faced turned to the side, my cheek being scratched by rust and who knows what else. My captor was behind be holding me by the back of my head with one hand and reaching around to my front with the other. I felt my fly being undone and my pants and underwear being pushed roughly down to my ankles. I tried to struggle but he just pressed down on my head which caused it to be turned even farther to the side. I cried out in pain, which he ignored. He grabbed my wrists with his free hand and held them behind my back. He fumbled for something, trying to grab something and hold my hands behind my back with his knee all the while holding my head firmly against the wall. He muttered a curse and let go of my head for a moment. I wanted to run, I wanted to turn around shove this pig away from me and bolt but the moment that I got the courage his hand was right back to where it had been. I felt his knee come down off of my wrists and be replaced by metal. I heard the click and knew I was handcuffed. I knew it was over, I knew that I wasn't going to be free of this man. This thought scared me beyond belief. That I would be his for the taking and that I was powerless to stop it. I yelled out loudly for someone, anyone. He pulled my head back with is large hand and thrust it, hard, back into the wall. I was dazed, the pain was unbearable. I faintly heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down behind me. I wanted to black out, I wanted to go numb I didn't want to feel the excruciating pain that was about to befall upon me. I felt his bruising grip on my hips and then, with a swift move he forced himself into me. I didn't scream, I didn't move, I was paralyzed. I had finally gone numb. My vision started growing dark. I felt his hot, putrid breath on my shoulder, I heard him whispering words into my ears but I had suddenly forgotten how to understand languages. I don't know how long it lasted. It didn't matter, it was happening and I couldn't stop it. I felt moisture on my cheeks and realized I was crying. I then felt something erupt inside of me and my captor pulled out of me. He was finished. It was over. He was pressed against me, panting. Suddenly he got up, no longer supporting me; I fell, keeling over on my side. I heard his fly being zipped back up and felt my restraints being taken off. My arms stayed behind my back, I couldn't move a muscle. I managed to look up at the face of the man who had just raped me. It was too dark to make out details but I saw a pointed, drawn face and two cold steel gray eyes. Then I blacked out.

**A/N: I'm a whore for reviews and critique-ing**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter twoooo**

Benjamin Coffin III was walking down the street to his Range Rover, eager to get back home and go to bed. It had been a rough day from the minute he woke up. His wife, Alison, had chatting loudly on the phone to one of her shopping pals about the wonderful night she had had before. They'd all gone to her father's birthday party and she'd met this stock broker who bought her a drink and they'd had just a gay ol' time. Benny had watched them drinking, laughing, and talking about whatever. He didn't feel jealous, however. He knew that she was sleeping with men behind his back. They're marriage was one of convenience and they both wanted out. Benny couldn't afford that though, her father was his cash flow and he didn't want to go back to the moneyless life he was living before he'd met Alison. So he'd gotten up, did the normal morning routine, not saying a word to his spouse except for a hurried "See you later, hon." as he walked out the door. On the way to work he'd almost gotten into a car accident with a teenager driving a sports car and had almost hit some bum sprawled out next to a parking meter.

The rest of the day went by without much event but it had been a tiring day nonetheless. He was now walking back to his car from a little café where he'd stopped to get a pastry as a makeshift dinner. He was just unlocking the car door when he heard it. A low sobbing groan coming out from the alleyway behind him. He was going to ignore it until he heard a small "help". He turned around slowly to see the familiar face of a Latino boy illuminated by light of the moon. He was lying on his side, arms lying behind his back, and he could see that the boy's pants were around his feet. He looked back into the face of the boy. He'd know those eyes anywhere. Angel. He walked to the boy's side and knelt down. Angel was completely disoriented. He flinched when Benny rolled him over and screamed when he touched his face. "Angel," he said in the best soothing voice he could muster, "its okay. It's me, Benny. Remember me?" He had met Angel through his ex-girlfriend, Mimi. Mimi and Angel were best friends and were constantly together. Comprehension seemed to dawn on Angel as he stared into Benny's face. "B-Benny…" he whispered. Benny nodded. Angel grabbed his dark hand tightly, his eyes widening and then…he passed out. Benny didn't know what to do. He had to get the kid some help. He looked down at the boy who he didn't know all that well. He knew him as Mimi's best friend and his old roommate, Collins', lover. But he couldn't just leave him here. He picked up Angel who was surprisingly light and carried him over to the Range Rover. He held the boy with one hand while opening the back door with the other. Once he had him lying the back seat he carefully pulled Angel's pants up, feeling awkward. He then jumped into the drivers seat and sped off to the Loft where he was sure he'd find Collins or Mark, someone that could help.

**A/N: gasp nice!Benny...Okay, I hate to be insecure but...is this even good? Should I even continue? Reviews please :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay I made this chapter longer! Yay! I'm sorry this took so long! I was having some techincal difficulties...But here it finally is!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character, I just borrow them every once in a while to torture them…j/k ;)**

Tom Collins wasn't having the best day. In fact, he believed it to be the worst day of his life. He and the love of his life, Angel, had gotten into the worst fight that they'd ever had. It all started the day before when Collins had gone into the Life Café where he was supposed to meet Angel only to see her sitting with some guy. The scene didn't really bother Collins at first because he knew that his love had many, many friends, he couldn't count the number of times that hey would just be out window shopping and she'd run into a whole group of friends. So that that was his first thought, that this was just one of her numerous acquaintances, then the man got up and Angel followed suit. They exchanged what looked like goodbyes, then they hugged…and he grabbed her ass to which she giggled, blushed and slapped him on the arm playfully. Needless to say, this got his attention. At first he didn't realize what he had seen, then he grasped the whole concept and he felt something that he hadn't felt in a long time. Fury. He was all of a sudden livid, he couldn't believe that Angel would…he didn't want to believe, but there it was. Now that he thought back on it, he realized that he shouldn't have been so upset, Angel was known for being oddly intimate with her friends, she and Mimi were always kissing and hugging…but that was Mimi. Mimi was a _girl. _This was some…guy! He didn't know what to do. Collins just stood there as he watched the two kiss each other on the cheek and the man leave. Angel sat back in her chair and looked around, she didn't see him. Collins had finally found the will to move and he took long, hard steps towards her. She turned just in time to see him coming.

"Collins, baby, hi! I was wonder-"

"How could you?" he said, his voice quiet, yet stern. He didn't shout; he didn't want to draw attention to the humiliation that was boiling inside of him.

"What?" she looked totally nonplussed. "Collins? What's going on? What are you talking about?"

"Who is he?" He was standing over her, looking down at her, his jaw set and his fists clenched.

"Who is…Tom? What. Are. You. Talking. About?" she sounded worried, like Collins had suddenly lost his sanity. She was pronouncing each syllable clearly trying to get him to make some kind of sense.

"That guy!" he had shouted. Luckily, no one seemed to have noticed. Angel did though; she flinched at the hard tone in her lover's voice. She stared at him for a couple seconds before comprehension seemed to dawn on her.

"Oh, God. Sweetie…oh you can't be serious! You thought that I was…oh good lord!" She was laughing slightly but she had a shocked look on her face. "Thomas Collins, you aren't actually assuming that I would cheat on you, are you?" She said, her tone now growing darker.

"What's there to assume? I was standing right there! I saw the way you…" He couldn't finish. He just whirled around and marched out the door. He stood out in the cold for a couple seconds. He felt tears welling in his eyes. Tears of sadness, tears of anger…He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Angel's face staring up at him. "Tom," she said, using his first name so that he would _know_ that she was being serious, "That man you saw…it wasn't what you think. He's just a friend, he-" But Collins didn't want to hear it. He stepped back, away from her touch and held up his hands. "Don't, Angel. Don't try to justify this. I know what I saw-"

"No you don't!" she interjected. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. "God, if you would just _listen _to me I could explain!"

"I told you, I don't want to hear it! I've been cheated on before, Angel, I know what if feels like, I've heard the excuses and I don't want to hear them again. Especially not from you!" He stood there and looked at her for a moment. She was crying now, her mascara was leaking on her cheeks and her yes were starting to get red. He slowly started to walk away. He heard her shout his name but he didn't look back. He just kept walking.

Later that day, Mimi visited him over at his and Angel's place. Angel had apparently gone to Mimi and told her everything. And Mimi, being the great friend that she was, came to right all the wrongs. Collins had tried to protest but Mimi kept cutting him off. She told him that the guy she saw Angel with was Angel's mentor. The person who had taken her under his wing after she'd found out that she was HIV positive. His name was Carl and he taught her that life would still go one even if it was shortened a little; he taught her that there was no day but today. Collins still wasn't fully convinced. "That still doesn't explain why he was coming on to her." Mimi just laughed at that. "Oh come on!" she had said, "Angie and I do that all the time! It never bothered you before!"

"That's because you're a girl and he's a-"

"A drag queen too. He also got Angel into that. He gave Anger her first make-up kit ever. We call him-or her- Carla. He just wasn't in drag today because he had to catch a plane to go see his _life partner_ who is currently away on business in Wisconsin." Mimi beamed, apparently proud of herself, as she watched Collins take in all of this information. Collins was…well he was shocked. And embarrassed. He was happy to find out that Angel wasn't in fact having an affair but at the same time…

"Oh…My…God…Mimi, what have I done?" He buried his face in his hands.

"What?" Mimi was a little confused. Her friend just found out that his lover wasn't cheating on him and he was…upset?

"She's gonna kill me! Angel is going to fucking kill me…How could I think…Why would she…Argh! Why would I even consider the possibility that she was having an affair? What was I thinking?" He started mentally beating the shit out of himself. Mimi tried to tell him that it would be okay. That he should just go to Angel (who was at Mimi's…hangin' with Roger…XD) and apologize and everything would be okay. Angel wasn't one to hold grudges for long.

Collins took Mimi's advice and walked over to the Loft where he found a disgruntled Roger who was nursing a sore hand which Angel had "accidentally" slammed a door on when he tried to come in to his and Mimi's room. That's where Angel was locked away. She wouldn't come out. Collins started fearing for his life. He began to go over his "please-forgive-me-baby-I'm-an-effing-idiot" speech in his head. Finally, Mimi went to the door and was let it. About five minutes later, Angel stepped out. She was in complete disarray. Her black bob wig was crooked, her makeup was totally ruined, she had taken off her shoes and she seemed to have ripped her tights. The sight gave Collin's heart a wrench, the fact that he had caused the love of his life to go into such a state made him want to jump off a balcony. He and Angel just looked at each other, Mimi and Roger just stood awkwardly in the background. "Hey," he said, just for the sake of saying _something_. She just stared at him. The oven was starting to look very warm and inviting to Collins. "Listen, can we talk? Please?" he was two seconds away from crawling on his hands and knees and begging for her to forgive him. She looked him in his eyes deeply for a few seconds before she nodded and led him out to the landing outside of the apartment. As soon as the door was closed he was at her feet. "Baby, please forgive me! I talked to Mimi and she told me everything about Carl, er, Carla. And about how he…she…was your mentor and-"

"Collins" She cut him off. She pulled him up and stared at him hard. He think he knew how dogs felt at dog shows, completely on the spot and awaiting judgment. Finally, after about three minutes of staring at him, Angel spoke. "Collins, you hurt me. You didn't trust me to tell you the obvious and accused me of not being faithful. Trust is a very important thing to me." She looked like she wanted to cry as she was saying this but she wanted to sound serious so she wouldn't let herself. Collins' was totally lost. Where was she going with this? Was she going to forgive him? Or was she going to end it? He found his voice and spoke, slowly, "I-I know, baby, and I apologize, it's just that," his words were beginning to pick up speed, "when I saw you with this guy and he was touching you it got me a little…" he trailed off. Angel had her eyebrow raised at him. She never did that, not to him or to anyone, she always had an abundance of patience for everyone and usually listened to people fully before being skeptical. However, this didn't seem to be the case. She was looking at him, shaking her head slowly. He started to realize that he could actually _lose_ his Angel. He was petrified. "Angel, baby, please. You have to forgive me! I know I didn't believe the obvious! I know you would never cheat on me! I just overreacted a little! Please, baby…" Angel's head was still shaking slowly, side to side. "No, Collins. I…I don't know if I can." She was crying now. Her words were getting caught in her throat. Looking away, she wiped the away the tears on her cheek with a well-manicured hand. Collins wanted to die when he heard her say that. "No, Angel, c'mon! Don't be like this! I know now! I know you weren't cheating! Please!" he was shouting now. He couldn't help it he was panicking. "Dammit, Collins! If you didn't have the sense to listen to me or believe me then you shouldn't have listened to anyone else! You should have believed _me_ in the first place! I would never lie to you!" her tone was icy. Collins had never seen her this angry. "B-but…" he stammered, "I love you." She closed her eyes and turned away. "Don't do that, Collins."

"What? Tell you that I love you? Its true! You know that! You love me too, I don't understand why you won't forgive me!" he was crying now too. He was trying his best to stay standing, he felt like he was going to be violently sick. "Please, Collins" she whispered, "Don't." Collins' world was crashing all around him. "So that's it then? You won't let me apologize, it's just over?" he asked through the flood of tears that was streaming out of his eyes. She turned back around to face him, "I need to think," she said "I just can't be around you right now. I have to…I have to go. D-don't follow me." With that she turned and ran. Where to, he didn't know. He stood there for God knows how long, he wanted to die. He _would _die without his Angel. But he was to respect her wishes, he didn't go after her.

A loud pounding at the Loft's door brought Collins back to the present time. That's where he was staying at the moment; he didn't want to risk going home. He had some clothes here and his old room so he was pretty much set. The pounding continued. "Hold on!" yelled the voice of a skinny, white, Jewish boy who was in the kitchen. "Collins are you just gonna sit there or do you wanna answer the damn do-"

"Guys, open the door!" yelled a familiar voice from the other side of the sliding metal door. "Please! It's Benny! I've got Angel!" Collins didn't remember his feet touching the floor, one minute he was laying on the couch the next he was sliding open the door. The sight that greeted him made him gasp. Benny stood there holding Angel in his arms. it didn't look like Angel thought, for one, she was not dressed in her usual attire. Apparently she had decided to go male tonight, there was something else different about her that he couldn't put his finger on. She looked worn, exhausted. Benny immediately came in and set Angel down on the couch. Mark came in from the kitchen and took in the sight before him. "Benny…what…what the hell happened?"

"I don't know" he replied, straightening himself up. "I found him like this in an alleyway while I was walking to my car."

Collins was trembling from head to foot. He looked over his lover, counting the wounds that he could see and praying that there wasn't more. A large gash on the side of his head, small scratches on his cheek, a bruise on his neck…those were what he could see. "I think we should get him to a hospital." Benny said to Collins, putting his hand on his shoulder. "He's in bad shape. When I found him he…well, the way I found him…I think he was raped." He said finally. Collins whipped his head around and stared at Benny. The words didn't seem to make sense in his mind.

"What…how…why do you think that?" he stuttered. Benny looked down, obviously uncomfortable. "Well he was lying in an alleyway with his pants pulled all the way down to his ankles and he looked dazed. Kind of…punch-drunk. And he was really out of it, every time I touched him he screamed." Mark muttered an "Oh my God" behind them. Collins looked back down at his Angel. He looked nothing like he usually did. When Angel slept he looked so peaceful. But now…it hurt to look at him. Collins felt like he was going to pass out. Benny's hand tightened on his shoulder. "Hey, it'll be okay, I don't think there's any real permanent damage. We'll just go to the hospital and get him cleaned up. I'll…I'll pay." Mark walked up next to his friend. "She'll be alright, Collins. Just keep telling yourself that. She's gonna be just fine. Now come on. Lets get to a clinic." Collins watched a Benny lifted up Angel once again and carried him out of the Loft. Mark stood next to Collins, urging him to move. "Come on, man" he gave Collins a little push and he finally started to move. He suddenly came out of the little trance he had been in. He practically ran out the door and down the five flights of stairs and into Benny's car. He jumped into the back seat with Angel. He waited for Mark to get his skinny ass down and get into the car before he looked at Benny.

"Drive."

**A/N: What do you think? Good? No so good? Let me now! I'm sorry this is only one chapter but I wrote all this before school (I have to be there in thirty minutes now yeesh!) so I didn't have time to write another, I have P.E. today so I'll write new one then considering I won't be doing much else…I hate physical education…Reviews make me happy! xoxoxoxoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Woohoo! I'm on a frickin roll! I did this during P.E. (like I promised I would)…hope its okay. I was a little distracted at the time.**

The drive to the hospital was a quiet one. Benny just drove as fast as he could without breaking any laws, Mark just stared out his window, glancing back at Collins and Angel every once in a while. The dark skinned man had Angel's head in his lap and was stroking his short hair, lightly. There was a bruise forming on his cheek and t her was dried blood from the wound on his forehead. Collins had never seen Angel with a _paper cut_, so seeing him like this put him a state of shock. There was only one clear thought running through his mind. "This is all my fault." He muttered softly. Mark swiveled around in his seat. "What?"

"This all my fault" repeated Collins. "If I hadn't been so stupid to think.." he looked back down at his Angel, "This never would have happened." He whispered. The truth was, h didn't know what the 'this' was. He had no clue what happened to Angel. Was he raped? Was he just taking a piss in the alleyway and then he got jumped? He preferred the latter. He didn't really prefer either options but if it came down it and Angel had been raped…he couldn't imagine what he'd do. His Angel…being violated. The thought boiled anger in his gut. "What?" Benny asked, "What happened?". Mark shook his head at Benny, silently warning him not to continue. Benny didn't bring it up again.

When they arrived at the hospital they carried Angel in and a nurse spotted them and immediately called for a doctor. Collins was glad, he was afraid that they'd have to wait. A few doctors came around with a stretcher and took Angel out of Collins arms. He watched as Angel was wheeled away. Another nurse handed him an information form that needed to be filled out. Mark, seeing that Collins was still in shock, took the papers and led them to the waiting room where they all sat down. Mark started filling out what he could of the forms, Benny picked up a magazine and started flicking through it, and Collins just sat there and stared at his shoes. After about twenty minutes, Collins seemed to come back to reality. His head snapped up and he looked around as if he wasn't sure where he was. He then remembered and sat back in his chair, took the information sheet from Mark and started filling out the rest. About ten minutes after that a doctor came towards them. Mark and Collins stood up but Benny, feeling out of place, stayed put. "You are the guys that came in with the Latino boy?" asked the doctor. Mark nodded and Collins just made a grunting noise. "Yes," Mark said, "His name is Angel Schunard."

"Ah, okay. Well the good news is, he'll be in fine physical form when his wounds heal, he has a rather large scrape on his head, which we already have stitched up, and he also has some wounds that indicate rape. Would you know anything about that?" Collins looked up, "He was found in an alley with his pants down, that's all we know…" he said, his voice raspy and devoid of any emotion whatsoever. "Right," said the doctor, "We'll do an STD testing then, just incase, no need to wor-"

"He already has AIDS" said Mark quickly.

"…Oh, okay." The doctor said tentatively. "Well he's resting in room number 75, he is awake, we have a psychologist questioning him now. You can visit him in about thirty minutes." The doctor gave them a smile and then walked away. Collins was speechless. He collapsed on to the chair behind him and broke down. He buried his face in his hands a sobbed, a million thoughts were racing through his head. He could hear the voices of Mark and Benny trying to comfort him but it didn't help. His Angel had been raped. The ultimate violation. Stripped of all dignity. He had to be in pain right now and Collins wasn't there to comfort him. There was just this stranger with a PhD in there with him. Then a thought occurred to Collins. Would Angel even want him to comfort him? Could Angel still be mad with him? He had to know. He wanted to dash up to room number 75 and hold his Angel and tell him that everything was okay and that he loved him and he was so, so sorry. But he didn't do that. He just slumped back in his seat and cried until there were no tears left to shed and waited.

**A/N: Aw…the things I do to poor Collins…Reviews are food for the starving artist!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Haha! I am back with a new chapter! You're just happy I'm still alive, right? Yeah, sorry for the delay but I had a big project due and had to focus on that…But not to worry.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I rent. Everything but plotline belongs to Jonathan Larson. **

Angel closed his eyes and leaned back on the stiff, white pillows behind him. He could hear the psychiatrist's voice droning on and on but he wasn't really listening. He caught a few words here and there like "victim" and "traumatizing" and "emotionally scarring" but other than that it was just buzzing. Angel could feel tears burning behind his eyelids, he really wanted to cry and just let it all out but not in front of the shrink. He had woken up in this sterile white room feeling like he'd just fallen out of a tenth story window. He was sore everywhere and the lights were way too bright but then a nurse came in once she saw he was awake and hooked him us to another IV which he assumed had drugs in it because now he felt like gumdrops and teddy bears…well physically anyway, inside he felt worn, exhausted. He knew what had happened even if a lot of it was really hazy. A doctor had come in about twenty minutes after the first nurse had left and told him that he had been a victim of rape and hat he should rest. _Oh, great_, Angel had thought, _another thing I've had the pleasure of being victimized by. The disease just isn't enough…_ He shook those thoughts out of his head the minute that he had thought them. He wasn't a victim. He was living with, not dying from, disease. Then the doctor told him that there would be a psychiatrist coming up to analyze him. This doctor had a shitty way of making his patients feel better. He didn't want to be _analyzed!_ He just wanted a lifetime supply of whatever they were pumpin' into him and get out of this infernal white prison. He wanted to go home and be with Collins…. That is if Collins wanted to be with him. Angel understood now that maybe he had overreacted a bit. But he had trust issues and needed to work them out. He didn't mean to shove Collins away. Because now he needed him more than ever. He wanted so badly to cry right now. A sudden silence drew Angel out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes to see the shrink, Dr. Owens, looking at him expectantly. Angel shook his head to clear his thoughts, "Huh?" he managed to say. He hadn't said a word since he'd woken up. "I asked" the doctor said in a slow voice "how you're feeling."

"Oh. Um…Well I feel…physically fine, I think, but I feel sort of …drained on the inside." He answered truthfully.

"Ah, well that's normal." The doctor said, "Do you feel any depression at all? Any form of sorrow?" Angel thought for a moment. It's true, he did want to cry but he didn't think that it was because of sadness he just needed a release. "No" he answered finally. "…You're sure? Okay then, I'll let you get your rest. But I'll be back tomorrow to check on you. Goodnight Mr. Schunard."

Angel didn't say anything in return to the man. He just watched as he shuffled out the door and as soon as it was closed, he burst into tears. They weren't noisy sobbing tears, just…tears. Streaming one after another down his cheeks. Every now and then he let out a tiny sniff or a pathetic little moan but that was it. He stared up at the ceiling and tried to recount his night before he had been attacked. He remembered going out to drum in his street clothes. And then stopping into a bar to see a drag show. Some of his friends were performing and he just wanted to say hi before going home to an empty bed. One of his fellow queens, Miss Kitty, had insisted that he have one drink with everyone before he left. "We never see you anymore, girl!" The fe/male had said. So Angel agreed, feeling a little out of place in men's clothing. He'd enjoy this a lot more if he were wearing makeup and a wig. One drink had turned into countless shots of tequila. Finally Angel had stood up, knocking over his chair and stumbling a bit. "I reallhafta gow" he slurred, his vision doubling some, "You guys rgonna gimme alchal posning", with that he staggered out onto the street with his pickle tub hanging off his wrist. And that's it. Angel strained his memory trying to remember. But nothing came to mind. The only thing he could see was the blurry outline of a pointed face. Maybe it would come to him later. Maybe it wouldn't. At the moment he really couldn't be bothered. He just lied there staring at the ceiling. He had stopped crying. Now he just felt empty. Detached from reality. Alone.

**A/N: Wow…Drunk!Angel. Just incase there was any question, de-slurred, Angel is saying "I really have to go. You guys are going to give me alcohol poisoning." So yeah…I know you guys just want to see Angel and Collins reunite, I'm getting there, I'm getting there (watch me make a few more chapters from everyone else's POV just to piss y'all off…nah, I wouldn't do that) Reviews are cocaine for the fic writer! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Alrighty…I don't have any comments so this author's note is pretty much useless…Oh yeah! This is from Markie's point of view but don't worry we do see Angel!**

Mark was absentmindedly flipping through a Better Homes & Gardens magazine, not actually reading it, not even really looking at the pictures, he just needed something to do with his hands. His thoughts were scattered everywhere, on the young gender-confused Latino boy in hospital room number 75, on the big, dark skinned man who was slumped over in the seat beside him, on the impact that this sudden tragedy would have on his and his friend's lives. He couldn't believe that this could happen to Angel. It was _Angel_ for chrissakes. Angel who always put peoples feelings before her own, Angel who helped him with his film whenever he needed it, Angel who would attend weddings of people she didn't even know just to congratulate them. What evil force let this happen to such a person. What kind of unfeeling s.o.b…He let his thoughts calm down. He was starting to feel slightly violent. He hadn't known Angel for more than five or six months but they'd formed a strong friendship. It wasn't like the one that he had with Roger or the kind that Angel had with Mimi. It was the kind where they just knew. Angel could always tell when Mark was bothered by something and then she'd do anything she could to comfort him or council him on it. Angel was always the strong one, she was his own personal life support. There was one time where he'd actually cried on her shoulder and she let him, stroking his hair and whispering soothing words into his ears. And once, there was a time where _she'd_ cried on _his _shoulder. It had been just them, she wanted to see where he was in the film, so they were just hanging out and then he decided to pull out his camera and have a little interview. Angel loved that shit. She could be even more of a diva than Maureen sometimes. He had started off with some basic questions but then he threw caution to the wind and asked something that he'd always wondered.

((**Flashback Time!**))

"Hey Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"Ask away, sugar"

"How did it happen?"

"How did what happen?"

"How did you get AIDS?"

"…"

Mark looked out from behind his camera and saw Angel staring at a spot on the wall. She looked…pained and Mark instantly regretted asking. "If you don't want to tell me that's fine. I was just-"

"It was three years ago." Angel was still staring at that spot on the wall but she was speaking now. Mark stopped talking and zoomed in on her face. "…I was dating this guy…Nathan. We had met at a friend's birthday party, I remember the first time I saw him. He was playing with my friend's border collie, throwing a Frisbee around and just having fun." She stopped for a moment. Then smiled. "He loved animals, he worked at a vet. As the janitor, which I always thought was kind of sweet. He hated cleaning but he loved those damn domestic animals that he'd make a living out of it just to be near them. We hit it off right away. He was so cute and I liked him so much…Now that I know real love with Collins I realize that I just had an extreme crush on Nate but at the time I thought I was gonna be with that boy forever. I was sure that he was the one." She paused again, giggling a bit. "I remember he used to say that someday we'd take a road trip down to Las Vegas and get married in one of those quickie chapels. He said that…that I was so beautiful and feminine that no one would be able to tell that I came with a few extra parts if I dressed up in drag. This was before I got into that..." She gestured to her black mini skirt then when back to staring wistfully off into space for a few seconds. Mark was listening to her intently, he never heard Angel talk about her past and he was very interested. He zoomed in even closer on her as the grin that was on her face slowly began to drip off. "We were together for about nine months. Living together, me, Nate, and a little Doberman puppy…That dog was evil. It would chew up my best shoes purposely. And every time I complained it was all 'He's just a puppy, he's learning, give him some time, blah, blah, blah.' After a while…Nathan became…distant, I guess. It was little things at first. No note in the morning telling me that he didn't wake me cause I looked to cute and that he'd be home by whatever time, then he stopped the public displays of affection. Even holding hands seemed to bother him. Then no displays of affection, public or private. We'd get into huge arguments over nothing. Then he just stopped coming home. When he did he always smelled like wine and sex. I figured I'd just live with it. I knew if I broke up with him, he'd get the apartment and I'd be out on my ass in the gutter. But then…oh I don't know…I just…snapped one night. He came home at around eleven at night, early for him. And as soon as I saw him I just…well it wasn't pretty. There was yelling and shouting, throwing things and…hitting." She whispered the last word. She was no longer staring at the spot on the wall, she was staring at her hands, which were folded, in her lap. Through the camera lens, Mark could see the tears threatening to spill over her eyelids. "So I took my things and left, kicking the dog on the way out, which I know is so mean but it was kinda satisfying, y'know?" she left out a bittersweet laugh. "I found out that he'd been cheating on me with skanky women the whole time. Not only that, he had been doing smack with them." She sighed. "Well a few months later I started feeling like shit. Like, really, really bad. So I went to a local clinic and…and…well the rest is history." She finally looked over at him and his camera. He got this heartbreakingly beautiful shot of her just staring into the camera, a single tear falling down her smooth cheek. "Mark?" she said, quietly. "Yes?"

"I'm going to tell you something that not even Mimi knows. Only one person does…My friend Carla."

"What is it?" he was curious. He didn't think Angel had any secrets.

"When I got my results back…I…I did something really stupid." Mark looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed. "I…bought some heavy sleeping pills and…I-I…" she couldn't finish. She started sobbing. Mark put his camera down and rushed to her side, putting his arms around her, rocking her gently. After she'd calmed she asked him to keep this a secret for her. She didn't know what everyone else's reaction would be and she didn't want to find out. Mark did just that, never telling anyone of that moment that they'd shared. Even after Angel was gone it would remain untouched in his memory as the day when he and Angel really bonded. It was his.

((**End Flashback!**))

"Excuse me sir?"

Mark jumped what must have been at least three feet in the air. He turned to see a young nurse smiling at him. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just came to tell you and your friends that you can see Mr. Schunard now." She smiled at him once again and walked away. Mark turned and saw Collins still slumped over and sleeping and Benny was looking at him. "It's okay to see him now?" he asked. Mark nodded slowly. He was still trying to come fully back to here and now and get out of his special memory. He kneeled down in front of Collins, he shook his shoulder lightly, not wanting to scare the anarchist. "Collins…Hey, c'mon man, wake up." He gave Collins' shoulder a jerk and Collins jolted awake. "Huh?" he looked around, eyes, wide, bloodshot. Mark stood up and offered Collins his hand. "We can go see her now." Collins suddenly looked afraid. He stared at Mark's hand as if he were holding a handgun at him. Mark shook his head lightly. "Hey, it'll be okay. She'll be just fine and you two'll make up and everything will go back to…normal." He didn't want to say that last bit because he knew it'd be a lie. There was an extremely high chance that Angel wouldn't be exactly the same. She'd still be Angel but…maybe not in her usual jacked-up-on-happy-pills state. Collins looked at him for a second before clambering to his feet. "Lets go," he said.

The group was rather subdued as they walked down hallways looking for room number 75. Finally Benny let out an "Aha!" and pointed at a door to their left.

"Do you want to go in first?" Mark asked Collins, excepting a yes. But Collins surprised him. "…No. No, you can go in first. I need to…" he didn't finish but Mark understood. This was something that you needed to prepare for. Mark nodded and grabbed Benny's arm. Benny looked slightly uneasy but went in all the same.

Mark went in first, Benny trailing behind him. Mark's stomach flipped at what he saw. Angel, her eyes closed, IVs attached to her arms, machines whirring and beeping around her. She looked deathly pale and you could see tear streaks on her face. She opened her eyes. He mouth opened slightly and then closed. She sat up, well she did the best she could but she fell back into her lying down position after a few seconds of struggling. Mark immediately went her side, helping her up.

"What are you doing her?" she asked, clutching at his arm. Her voice was not at all in its usual smooth, high-pitched tone. It was rough, a little deeper, and hoarse. "What do you mean what are we doing here?" Mark asked raising his eyebrow "Why wouldn't we be here, we brought you here."

Angel looked down. "Oh" she whispered. Mark leaned down and hugged her gently, and kissed her cheek. "You're gonna be okay, you know that right?" She nodded, laughing softly. "Yes, I know. Now that I've got some people with emotion in here with me, I feel all better." Mark smiled. Good. She still had a sense of humor, even if it was cynical. "Do you need anything?" He asked, like the gentleman that he was. Angel opened and closed her mouth several times before saying quietly. "Have you seen C-Collins anywhere?" Mark gave a slight smile, "He's right outside. Do you want to see him?" Angel nodded. Mark turned around and looked at Benny who was still standing by the door watching them. Mark motioned at him to open the door and get Collins. Benny nodded quickly before turning to the door. Mark looked back at Angel who had been staring at Benny. "What's he doing here?" She inquired not taking her eyes off of him.

"He…he found you." Mark answered not knowing how to. He didn't know how sensitive the drag queen was on the subject of her attack yet and didn't know how to talk to her about it. Just then, there was a rustling behind him and he turned to see Collins, face determinedly looking at the floor, his feet dragging slightly enter the room.

**A/N: AAAHHH! I DID EXACTLY WHAT I PROMISED NOT TO DO! I'm sorry loyal readers…please forgive me. I couldn't help it. I was going to change it halfway through to Collins POV but then…I don't know, I like writing for Mark. I couldn't help myself! The next chapter will be posted asap! But…this chapter is okay right? I thought the flashback was a good touch…. (hides and cries in corner, afraid of angry readers and flames)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Okay, okay, I am sorry! I've just had a hectic week and haven't had time to really sit down and write. I have, however, been working on it in my head so it won't take too long to type it up. Sorry for the wait!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em…if I did I'd take over the world haha!…um …yeah, that's never gonna happen…**

Collins paced back and forth in the hallway, trying to come up with something to say when he saw Angel. But nothing was coming, he couldn't vocalize his thoughts. He hoped his love wasn't in pain, emotionally that is. He knew they'd give him something for whatever physical pain he was in, but Collins wasn't an idiot. He knew that you couldn't get away from an experience like this without mental scars. Though he wanted to believe that his love would be fine, he knew that Angel would never be quite the same; there are some things that just change you. His feet kept leading him back and forth, back and forth. There was nothing for it. He didn't know what to say, he would just trudge on into the room and hope that something would come to him. Just at that moment, the door to Angel's room opened and Benny's head popped out, "He wants to see you." He said, simply. Collins opened his mouth to say something but found that his throat to was too dry so he just nodded instead and stepped towards the door, slowly. When he reached it, his head drooped; he looked down at his feet as they crossed the threshold. He was filled with a sudden sensation of dread. He didn't want to look up at the bed, which he knew was only a couple of feet away from him. He could hear the beeps and whirs of the machines that Angel was hooked up to; he could sense every eye upon him. Finally, with a deep breath, he looked up. Tears immediately surged into his eyes and he had to hold back a sob. Angel was sitting up, propped up against pillows, IVs sticking out of his arms, his skin was deathly pale, and his face was expressionless. His dark eyes were shocks of color against the stark whiteness of his flesh. Mark, who had been standing next to Angel, holding his hand, suddenly backed away, feeling like he was in the middle of a western quick draw. Angel and Collins stared at each other for what seemed like ages before Angel's eyes abruptly filled with tears, his face contorted and he began to sob uncontrollably. Collins let out a cry and ran to his love's side and held him. There were no words, just emotions as they held each other, crying, staring into each others eyes, and murmuring hushed words of love and forgiveness. Mark and Benny stood, awkwardly , in the background, taking in the sight. Finally the lovers' tears stopped flowing and the sobs subsided and the couple just looked at each other, each cupping their loves face. Collins had never felt such a wave of relief in his life, ever. He was just glad he had his Angel back in his arms and that he could be there for him. He pressed his forehead to Angels and kissed him softly. Angel grinned, wide, his eyes shimmering, his cheeks flushed with some color making him look ten times better then he had when Collins first stepped into the room.

Mark smiled to himself as he watched the lovers embrace. He felt the sudden urge to applaud but he fought it, it would ruin this moment. He bet that if Mimi of Maureen were here, they'd be giving a standing ovation and begging for an encore. He turned to see Benny who was staring up at the ceiling, obviously uncomfortable. "Hey man. You okay?" he asked, nudging him with his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Its just that I feel like I'm interrupting something…"

Collins t turned around, wiping tears from his eyes, laughing. "Hey, sorry guys," he said, still laughing, "relationships, always a pain in the ass, right?" Angel scowled and hit his arm but then immediately started smiling and laughing again. Mark smiled and nodded, "If you guys want to be alone," he said "Me and Benny can go get some coffee." Collins nodded, "Yeah, go ahead if you want."

"Wait." Angel put his hand on Collins chest. "I want to talk to Benny for a moment." Mark and Collins (in unison) looked at Angel then turned their heads to look at Benny then turned back to Angel again. "If that's okay?…" Angel said, looking at Benny. "Yeah…" Benny said, slowly nodding his head.

Collins raised an eyebrow. "O-okay." He kissed Angels hair and walked away, not taking his eyes off Angel until he had to, he was a little reluctant to leave his side. Mark followed him out and they waited outside in the hallway. Collins thought this situation odd, he knew that Angel never really liked Benny, ever since Benny and Mimi were dating and he (Benny) threw her out, literally, on her as when she'd gotten her HIV results. Mimi had told Collins that, when she'd shown up on Angel's doorstep, telling him what had happened and asking for a place to stay, Angel was seriously about to go and kick the shit out of Benny. Mimi stopped him from doing so, of course. Angel had never talked bad about him, but sometimes when Benny was around you could tell Angel wanted to yell at him for hurting his best friend, no matter how old the offense was. After about five minutes of musing on this, Benny walked out of the room, a grin tugging at his lips. "I'm gonna be headin' home now guys, take care. Let me know how Angel's doing later." Mark nodded and said he was going to do the same. Collins promised he would keep them updated and they said their goodbyes.

Back in the room, Angel leaned back against his pillows, smiling, happy to have been surrounded by good company, and, hey, he'd made a new friend. His smile grew even wider as Collins timidly stepped into the room. He made his way for the chair that sat beside Angel's bed but Angel shook his head, "Nuh-uh" he said, scooting over to make some room, "You're sleeping in this thing with me, professor." Collins was only too happy to oblige.

They drifted off to sleep, wrapped in a comfortable embrace. It should've been a peaceful sleep for both of them; unfortunately one of them was tossing and turning in his sleep. Angel was having dreams of dark alleyways, rough hands, and cold, steel gray eyes. He could feel the attacker's arms around his middle, smell his rancid breath, and hear his breathy, unfeeling words. Angel awoke; sweat shimmering on his forehead, shaking. His abrupt return to consciousness failed to rouse his boyfriend; Angel stared down at him, thankful that he was here even if he was asleep, just his presence was comforting. He shook his head, trying to rid his thoughts of the dream, which was actually a memory of what had happened he supposed. He leaned down and kissed Collins cheek, a silent thank you, and snuggled into his lover's strong arms. the dreams wouldn't last long, he figured, they'd have to expire, and this wouldn't affect him in anyway once he got out of the hospital. He'd just go back to sleep and have dreams about sugarplums and pixies and everything would just go back to normal. How very wrong he was.

**A/N: Urk…is this a good chapter? It's a two o'clock in the morning thing. Couldn't sleep because the guilt of not posting anything for more than a week was killing me! Oh, please review! And tell truth, wonderful readers! Much love!**


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